It was much easier when I didn’t have to know that anyone read my blog because I told myself, “I just have to publish something, that’s the goal.” After a relatively short period of trial and error – the first few posts were a bit tricky – I focused on the process (see my very first blog post) and not the product (or outcome), and in retrospect I think it worked out well.

he infinity loop maps out the cycle in a way that is so clear to both me and my clients. The more I use it, the more it resonates for me. It may also be activated within the session, thankfully though worked with more proactively if a therapist is present.

Earlier this month, an interesting moment in my career occurred for me: I became an “expert.”- Even more jarring is the idea that I could be an expert in road rage.

I had to include a Carly Rae Jepsen song title in my blog. I’ve apologized in advance, now we can move on… And when I say “cut to the feeling,” I also like to visualize us moving towards the feeling, maybe even leaning into it.

Shame is a powerful experience, and can lead to seemingly unexplainable behaviors because it is often buried deeply under a lot of defenses. Even in my work with clients, it can take a long time to peel back the layers and see that underneath, shame is what we have to grapple with.

This dance, or cycle, like the other two I’ve written about recently in my blog, is defined by entrenched behaviors from both partners. However, calling this a “dance” is a bit misleading, because in essence, neither partner is doing much of anything, aside from shutting down or checking out.

Here is an image that might conjure up some memories for you: Your partner telling you they are anxious…VERY anxious. How do you help?

It’s an oft-used expression to describe one way of handling our emotions, “shutting down.” But what is happening, and how do we handle it?

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by a situation that you didn’t know what to say at all? If so, then I think this post might be for you…

It’s so hard to make sense of what we, as a collective country, went through during this presidential election cycle. It is now over, and I can not help but write about my experience as a therapist and what I was met with over the course of the last week.

As a child, were you encouraged or even allowed to express anger, fear and other natural emotions? Despite what you may have learned, feelings are neutral with no positive or negative values attached.

I notice that we often have relationships which involve moments we don’t always get quite…“right.” Most of the time we might see fighting in this way, in the “Find The Bad Guy” dance.

Somehow, the phrase “the Protest Polka” doesn’t quite capture the negative cycle like I wish it would; “polka” feels fun! But this polka is anything but fun. But, the important part of the phrase is “protest,” and not “polka,” so that is where we focus our attention, we can see a lot of examples of protesting these days.

After an argument with your partner, do you find yourself wondering why you said some of the things you did? You may even start this second-guessing as soon as the words leave your mouth.

"We don't know how to communicate." Those six words speak volumes about an intimate relationship that has shifted into a superficial – and for most, quite difficult – routine.

Do you and your partner feel as though you replay the same arguments over and over without resolving anything?

The “Opinionator/Couch” series of articles in the New York Times – it has apparently been running for years – is a personal favorite. Written from a clinician’s or patient’s first-hand perspective, it documents the inevitable struggles and successes in therapy.

People kept telling me: “you need to start blogging.” Maybe they are truly fascinated by the things that come out of my mouth that they think I should put pen to them.

In an online class Sunday morning I found myself with the privilege of being paired up to focus with a Chinese man, living in Wuhan at the time of the initial COVID-19 outbreak. Our previous class with this same group was around a month ago...

Just because lessons can be learned does not mean that those learning should also have to feel blame and that this post is not meant as a blame-casting exercise. But, I have been sitting with this sense of lessons.