“Any New Year’s Resolutions this year?” It’s become a cliché question around this time of year, every year. But I have also never found the new year to be a particularly good time for me, personally, to set goals.

However, today’s inspiration comes from what seems to be a looming government shutdown, and what the leadup can teach us about relationships.

I was inspired to write this as I often encounter the question, “How does therapy work?” which I believe should always be asked, even though the answer is both elusive and varies greatly among therapists. This gives it a flexibility that can confound clients and beginning therapists alike.

I’ve been wanting to write about fear for a long time but was – perhaps not ironically – afraid of how to put thoughts into words. . And then in publishing, facing the fear that some of my own existential thoughts might not align with those who are reading.

Because in a nutshell, the more we strive for something that is unattainable (assuming the cliché is true), or far out of reach (if the cliché isn’t quite true), the more we allow room for feelings of disappointment to emerge.

I specifically chose the title of that piece, “Presence, as Opposed to Perfection, Within,” because I knew at the time that I wanted to write a second part. I knew that I wanted to provide commentary on the ways the perfectionist voice can impact how we exist among the relationships that encompass our worlds.

Psychotherapists tend to talk a lot about feelings. We do have the tendency in psychotherapy to focus on more negative emotions, then processing and making sense of them, all the while trying to work through them.

Have you ever — or often — said to yourself, “wow, I can’t do anything right”? You would definitely not be alone. Instead, I might say that you are normal and have a strong inner critic.

I wanted to outline my working knowledge of the “inner critic,” , everyone has one, but not everyone is consumed by his or her inner critic. I am not one of those “extremely lucky” few, and I was inspired to write this post because of my own inner critic.

I decided it would be fitting (if not ironic) to reward myself for my one-year blogging anniversary with a post on burnout. I felt like my transition to private practice mimicked a lot of the struggles my clients face in really figuring out the question, “what do I want?”

It was much easier when I didn’t have to know that anyone read my blog because I told myself, “I just have to publish something, that’s the goal.” After a relatively short period of trial and error – the first few posts were a bit tricky – I focused on the process (see my very first blog post) and not the product (or outcome), and in retrospect I think it worked out well.

he infinity loop maps out the cycle in a way that is so clear to both me and my clients. The more I use it, the more it resonates for me. It may also be activated within the session, thankfully though worked with more proactively if a therapist is present.

Earlier this month, an interesting moment in my career occurred for me: I became an “expert.”- Even more jarring is the idea that I could be an expert in road rage.

I had to include a Carly Rae Jepsen song title in my blog. I’ve apologized in advance, now we can move on… And when I say “cut to the feeling,” I also like to visualize us moving towards the feeling, maybe even leaning into it.

Shame is a powerful experience, and can lead to seemingly unexplainable behaviors because it is often buried deeply under a lot of defenses. Even in my work with clients, it can take a long time to peel back the layers and see that underneath, shame is what we have to grapple with.

This dance, or cycle, like the other two I’ve written about recently in my blog, is defined by entrenched behaviors from both partners. However, calling this a “dance” is a bit misleading, because in essence, neither partner is doing much of anything, aside from shutting down or checking out.

Here is an image that might conjure up some memories for you: Your partner telling you they are anxious…VERY anxious. How do you help?

It’s an oft-used expression to describe one way of handling our emotions, “shutting down.” But what is happening, and how do we handle it?

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by a situation that you didn’t know what to say at all? If so, then I think this post might be for you…